Mind & behavior · 2021
How well do we know when someone wants a conversation to end?
Not very well, according to two studies covering 932 conversations with close others or strangers. Participants had little idea when their partners wanted to stop and underestimated how much their preferred ending times differed. These findings concern people’s reported preferences, not a direct measure of their unspoken thoughts.
Details
Researchers asked participants when they had wanted a conversation to end and when they thought their partner had wanted it to end. Study 1 involved close others; Study 2 involved strangers.
Conversations almost never ended at the time both people wanted, and rarely ended at the time even one person wanted. The average gap between desired and actual conversation duration was roughly half the conversation’s length. That gap does not mean conversations always lasted too long: the abstract does not specify the direction of the mismatch.
Participants also underestimated how different their partners’ preferred ending times were from their own. The authors suggest that ending a conversation is difficult because it requires coordinating preferences that people normally do not share. This is an interpretation of the reported mismatch, rather than proof of its cause.
What do you think?
Good conversations begin with curiosity.
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